I. Allegro animato, quasi un scherzo

II. Andante

III. Alla tarantella

IV. Presto

its like looking into the past.

very mired.

just like it was again.

i want to die.

1. Prelude

2. Fugue

I’m so fucking lonely. It’s only one day.

Oh well.

And when i’m lonely, I talk to myself.

(Sonata in memory of Sergi Rachmaninov)

I. Allegro brilliante

ah. where do i start.

i dont know what will come of this.

if this is supposed to be some sort of end, than i hope this is the low extreme.

shall we go over why again?
yes we shall.

okay. you dug into your infected wounds again.

and then talked about someone elses.

how oblivious. she’s oblivious.

and i’m blind. that’s wonderful.

and then…other failures.

i am not profound.

as long as i remember that…I am not profound.

there we go.

so it goes.

ah.

?

wait…what? what am I writing? what? why did I write that?

i know what i want to confer, but how to do it?

color is important. the vicious cycle continues.

1. Introduction and Exposition.  Andante Sostenuto – Allegro.

2. Development. Passagalia. Quasi Largo.

3. Divertimento and march. Molto vivo.

4. Recapitulation. Allegro.

5. Coda. Molto adagio.

and so the malignant process repeats itself. this set should come to an end soon – the most important things are repeating themselves.

the why’s are unavoidable. all the little things.

1. Prelude

2. Intermezzo

3. Finale

dizzy dizzy, and i still want to destroy you.

its the same mixing of dreams and hopeful hopelessness, but in this renditions theres just a phenomenally larger amount of shit swirling around it. its the same endless dance, same short breath, and the same dismal catatonia. you know you’re finished when you can’t see past your own nose again.

confused confused. but thats okay.

‘No, that’s not okay.’

isn’t it interesting when you have a dream thats burning with hatred. isnt that strange. macabre.

i still looked.

if only there was a more natural way. a way to just see through it. too bad that kinda goes against your ridiculous hopes. silly edo. was this about things changing, or how things are not changing?

it can’t be that hard.

and oddly enough, the point screams at me just when i’m about to leave. the coincidence is horrific.

i swear i’ll surprise you

I. Prelude. Moderato sostenuto, con energico.

II. Quasi ‘Sehr Langsam’. Adagio.

III. Valse. Vivace marcatissimo, sempre spicatto.

IV. Finale. Largo.

i have questions that come to mind now that i am here. a certain bit of clarity.

for example i am not drinking milk anymore and my body is adjusting to that. i have lived off chicken sandwiches. those are nice.

being elsewhere is very hygienic. it lets the mind know whats really necessary, and throws out the baggage of the old place. we attach so much to ‘home’.

how long must you live somewhere before its not foreign anymore? nothing. that is an artificial distinction.

i am less confused than i thought i would be?

1. familiar feelings, because my mind is weak, but it knows where to get the inspiration

2. does the inspiration come from KNOWING, or are the mechanics their own separate little thing, unrelated?

3. the mind is still weak

4. i am not a character

5. but i know exactly what i want

i lied. i have no more clarity than when i started. but i still need to feed that ridiculous emotion.

its the fire. always called fire. at least, for tonight, one of the chapters are closed. there is only a sonata to finish.

perhaps number 12 will bring me something more beautiful.

i’m really crazy. at least im continuous. time is a funny thing.

there is one significant change. i think ill go back to trying to be good again. just in case.

do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as you ever can.

mmm.

I. Allegro

II. Adagio

III. Minuet

IV. Presto

One can not fight what does not oppose them.

And in such a way, each little piece of time runs by, identical to one another.